


If I Could But Bleed

by mmmdraco



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-27
Updated: 2012-07-27
Packaged: 2017-11-10 20:10:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/470183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmdraco/pseuds/mmmdraco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If words could flow like blood...</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Could But Bleed

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the characters, I mean no harm, I have no money... Stuff like that. Yeah.

If I bled black and white, it'd be easy to get my feelings out on the page. I'd slit my wrists until all the words were there, present and accounted for with things I never thought that I thought about, but still had opinions on, memories of; a million and one things I regretted and a few dozen tiny instances I'd like to relive. But, I'm not sure that would work as I have planned. Perhaps it would be better if I could bleed somewhere in between... in some mixture that could portray all of the in-betweens. Gray.

Unfortunately, I bleed in shades of red that pulse from veins that are greedy, gluttonous. They don't want to spill the crimson drop that pools up just at the surface of my skin, and they wretch and vomit in agony when I bleed too much.

Why can't I bleed in shades of gray?

There's all sorts of times when I have so many things that I feel like I just *have* to write down and remember... Remember the way I felt when he first came into my view, the first time he pushed me away... and the second, and third, and fourth... It's like it's not enough that I felt it once: I have to feel it over and over again until I can find words to describe it, find a way to tell myself that every time he looks away, which is often, I feel like my heart gets disconnected and drops into the pit of my stomach.

It's why I get pushed away again and again... you can't have a good do-over if you don't get the same results. To get the same results, you have to do everything the same exact way... and repetition is the key to learning.

I want to bleed in shades of gray.

I can write down all the details... the darkness of his gaze, a close mark of the shade of his eyes and hair. I can't quite compare the colors to a distinct thing just yet, though. His hair is almost like the color of melted chocolate under a fluorescent lamp, but not quite. His eyes are almost the color of the sky at 7:43pm on April 3rd, from the balcony outside my room in the Sanc Kingdom, but off just that tiny bit. He's almost perfectly in my memory, but I still have to write down those last few things.

If I can remember him, I can leave him be. But, it confuses me still why I feel the need to have an exact picture of him in my mind. If I could bleed upon the page, I don't think I'd need to worry anymore...

Not if I could bleed in shades of gray.


End file.
